Archive for March, 2016

12 Years

12 years, to some it sounds like the blink of an eye to others an eternity, I guess it’s a matter of perspective!

I have been considering that time frame for a good few months and in non to positive terms. You see today marked my 12 year anniversary of working for the same company (can’t tell you who as they wont let me). Not being of the most natural sunny disposition, I admit that my mood at the thought has been apathetic at best and at worst down right depressed. Choosing to concentrate on the negatives I found myself rehashing old grievances, lamenting decisions that would have taken me elsewhere and wondering what on earth possessed me to even apply for the job in the first place! I was willingly putting myself in a very dark place and was seemingly incapable of dragging myself out of a daily malaise.

Until today.

A simple platitude reminded me that it hasn’t all been bad. In fact the more I thought of what I have because of this job, either directly or indirectly, the more I realised that every bad day, every knock back and every time I have wanted to break down and give up were nothing in comparison.

While recounting every good thing would bore even me, there are a few highlights that for the life of me I simply could not imagine my life without.

Within the first year I would meet a man who has since become one of my very best friends and someone I am immensely proud to call a brother (of a family chosen not born). I remember so well him meeting one of my little sisters and the amusingly (at least to me) high school like way they got together. But get together they did and since then they have married and had 2 beautiful daughters.

Jump forward a few years and I was lucky enough to get a training job in Malta. A 6 month secondement that would come at a time in my life that I simply could not stay in Edinburgh any longer. What better way to run away than to get paid to do it in the Mediterranean. In those 6 months I met friends that I will keep forever, got to live and work in a foreign country, had countless experiences that my friends are now sorely sick of hearing about and fell for a local girl who will forever have a piece of my heart. I now count Malta as a second home and get back there as often as I can but far less than I would like.

I have 3 little sisters (again chosen not born) and had I not worked for this employer that number would be 2. For 3 years Sarah saved my ass and on more than one occasion probably my job but this is the least of what I am grateful for. It would take a far greater wordsmith than I to explain what my little sisters mean to me and how much I know I owe them. But for the last 8 years I have been privileged to know someone who has perhaps the biggest heart I have ever encountered and I only wish she lived closer.

It’s strange the way life works and it can be all too easy to dismiss things out of hand as being unimportant. I am glad I was forced to look at the what these last 12 years have given me and not simply what they have cost. While I may not survive another 12 years in the company I know my life has been made far better for the 12 years that have just passed.


The Myth

What is there to lose when tomorrow is a myth
No more attainable than eternal life
So the choices we make with our future in mind
Are simply the roll of a dice

Could fate now being playing a hand already dealt
Allowing a second chance to grasp
That which once seemed the folly of dreams
An image just too bright to last

If the thoughts for once stopped fighting for space
Providing just a moment of calm
To see through the chaos of twisted future
Making firm under foot the shifting sand