The Friday top 5

 

I have in my life worked in many different service jobs from bar and hotel management to telephone sales and banking (yes I said banking try not to hold it against me). This has subjected me to some of the world’s stupidest people, some of them made even more stupid due to copious amounts of alcohol. Now that may sound like I am elitist or that I have some thing against stupid people (hey I am no Einstein) and while yes I will admit overtly stupid people frustrate me to the point of screaming, stupid questions are by no means restricted to the stupid!

 

So today’s Top 5 is dedicated to all those people who have at one point or another benefited from my unique brand of customer service and in response asked me a question that has tested my patience, made me laugh out loud or is some cases actually ask the brain-dead fuck wit if they were taking the piss!

 

1. What time does the 1 o’clock gun go off?

Living in Edinburgh you are surrounded by history and traditions 24/7 and one of the oldest daily traditions is the 1 o’clock gun. Yes as the name suggests it’s a gun that goes off at 1 o’clock everyday, fired from the castle. I won’t go into the history or the reasons why it is fired (that’s what google is for) but needless to say it is like clock work that it is fired. Every time I am asked this question (yes unfortunately it happens more regularly than you could imagine). I just want to answer that the clue is in the bloody question.

 

2. Can I pay this cheque into my account over the phone?

So, as previously mentioned, in one of my live’s I worked for a bank in their telephone services. It never ceases to amaze me how clueless people can be when it comes to their own money (yes I still work for a bank, shot me now! though thankfully my telephone days are over). On being asked this question I struggled not to tell the mensa candidate on the end of the line “of course you can sir, just roll it up really tight and push it into the second hole from the left on your telephone receiver. It will then be paid directly into you account”.

 

3. Is there a human I can speak too?

I wasn’t sure weather to laugh, cry or just beat the woman with her own handbag. To this day I am not sure exactly what she thought I was maybe a robot, a zombie or a very well groomed monkey. Regardless I obviously wasn’t of the same species as this homosapien and she was not about to engage in meaningless conversation with a lower form of life like me!

 

4.  Isn’t it great that they built the castle so close to your shops?

OK so I admit this is more a mistaken statement than a question but in my defence the person speaking did phrase it as a question and indeed hang around for the answer. Now as this happened so many years ago I cannot be 100% sure of the exact wording but I know it went something along the lines of “My god yes it is great, we were o grateful that after opening their new store The Gap decided to build us a castle to say thank you”.

 

5. Do you want independence for Scotland?

Yes there is an agenda with this one, Guilty as charged. But as the title of the post suggests I think it is a stupid question! Why on earth would any sane person think that breaking from the UK would ever be a good thing? I won’t use this as a forum to preach political agenda but I will end with this……… If you vote for independence you are voting for President Salmond and nobody wants that!!!!!

 

I do love stupid questions. Whats the best one you have been asked?

 

 

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